Cut a Rug

Let me just come right out and say it: I love to dance. That’s not something most American guys feel comfortable proclaiming, or even admitting. Nor would they feel compelled to, since, for most of them, it isn’t true. In fact, if given a choice between cutting a rug with a pretty girl, or digging ditches, operating heavy machinery, and unloading heavy durable goods from a shipping container, most American men would choose one of the latter options. While this may seem, at first glance, counterintuitive, it is not without logical explanation. The problem American men have with dancing is twofold: first, they fear it compromises their masculinity; second, they are afraid of looking stupid.

The United States is in large measure a homophobic society in which, in spite of myths to the contrary, gender roles are strictly defined, and for the most part followed, to the detriment of both sexes. Some women may contest this assertion, and certainly there are exceptions: men who dance and cook, and love to shop; and women who work construction, and love sports and military history. I’m not taking about gender equity here, or fair pay, but the social roles men and women play. For the most part in America you get women who make their own money but still want a man to take care of them, and men who still don’t dance or talk about their feelings but are confused about what they can give to women who are often more successful economically and better educated than they are. Consequently, American men have developed an aloof stance toward American women, which is based on the fallacy that respecting a woman means not touching her. The mixed message of American female identity which states simultaneously “I’m a woman and can take care of myself,” and “I’m a woman, please hold me,” has dropped the balls off American men and turned them into so many binge-drinking eunuchs loitering in the nightclub.

Beneath the confusion of gender roles that are rendering our society increasing asexual, lurks the problem of our puritanical roots, and the religious shame we have inherited from our forefather and mothers. Christianity holds that the body is the vessel of sin and that it the responsibility of reason, in which morality is couched, to elevate the human being above his or her animal instincts. In other words, anything that presents a temptation to physical pleasure is a no-no, which makes dancing public enemy number one. For as we all know, dancing is the gateway activity to sex. Well, much has changed since those pilgrims got off the Mayflower. But not without a fight by subsequent generations, each of which scandalized their parents with the dance of the moment. In spite of this continual process of innovation, a latent shame and embarrassment exists in regard to dancing in America, primarily for men. Women, to their credit, have not been so easily fooled by religious dogma and those moralizing fuddy-duddies who have forgotten what it was like to be young and looking for love, or, more importantly, that dancing keeps one young. American men, however, have atrophied, opening their hand on a vast inventory of dance styles and “moves.” I can’t stress enough the importance of a solid repertoire of moves, not only on the dance floor, but in all areas of human activity. Now, and rightfully so, American men react with fear when they go to the club and their girlfriend wants to dance, or when faced with the crisis of wanting to meet the girl, who is invariably dancing, and not wanting to look stupid in front of her, for lack of dance practice. This pitiful state of affairs often results in women leading men on the dance floor. In other cases, it results in a mechanical repetition of dance steps without grace, sensuality, or style.

Dancing is an innate human activity and the fear men have of it is unfounded. Looking stupid is an everyday part of life; if you don’t look stupid then you’ll never learn anything new. Also, women secretly love it when men look stupid in front of them; it is a sign that men find them attractive. Aside from the fear of looking stupid, dancing is not an assault on masculinity, but its affirmation. Let me give you some facts that support my thesis. In all pairs dancing the man leads and the woman follows. Dancing is the easiest way to meet women; there is no way to get closer to a woman other than having sex. Finally, to couch it in terms that the average American guy can appreciate: a man who dances is more likely to get laid than one who does not, if that is the objective. Finally, dancing does not make you a homosexual; the only way to do that is to make out and have sex with other men.

Let’s back up to my qualifying statement, “if that is the objective,” regarding sex. Clearly, the ultimate objective of male/female relations is to get together, make love, and reproduce. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. As a form of communication and self-expression, music and dance have been with us since the dawn of human existence. Among other applications, dance helps us to find a mate. Women are in part attracted by smell, and getting close to a man allows them to sniff him out, so to speak. Men are attracted primarily by sight, and dancing offers the ability to get close to a woman in a non-threatening way. But it is not that simple. What is going on beyond that is the process of determining compatibility. In my opinion, if you can’t dance with someone, you shouldn’t be hooking up, dating, or having a family with them.

Cue the alcohol. While alcohol has the benefit of giving some men the courage to dance (lust overriding fear), it can also give the false illusion that one is dancing well, and in particular dancing well with someone else, resulting in the mistaken belief that one has found a suitable partner.

Some may consider me old-fashioned, but I miss simpler times when young people went to the school dance, and when going out on the town didn’t mean standing around binge drinking in bars with no dance floor, but rather going to dance clubs and listening to live bands play music for pairs dancing with a defined set of steps. Don’t get me wrong, free-form, unstructured dancing is great, too. Whether you want to bang you head to some hard rock or metal, trace your hands in the air like you’re weaving a cosmic spider web while listening to pulsing techno beats and clinching your jaw on E, skank it up and wind your body to some reggae vibes, or do your standard knee bend and arm swing to your favorite pop band, any and all of these “I’m not touching you” dances are fine, and most of them invariably lead to America’s favorite dance: freaking, grinding, dry humping, or pantomimed fucking -whatever you want to call it.

America is the land of innovation and irony (which ironically, many Americans don’t understand or appreciate), and it is only fitting that freaking would become all the rage in the land of puritanical values; you know, in the vein of a church on every corner and a whorehouse and liquor store across the street. So the deal is this: dancing is an innate behavior, and even though American men have been conditioned to be robots, they are still robots that want to hook up. If you can rub your junk up against some girl’s ass who ignored you when she walked in the door, then you’d better take advantage of it. While I like the idea of getting my freak on, there isn’t much artistry to it. Occasionally, the liberated American women bends over and touches the floor while you hold her by the hips, or she slides up and down on your jock like it’s a bar of soap, but most of the time you just grind against her until you’re frustrated. At this point, the logical question becomes: how do I get her home? Though some would argue for the efficiency of such an approach, I feel it’s missing the point. A dark dance floor, alcohol, freaking –an unwanted pregnancy?

Now imagine a dance style that requires a modicum of skill and cooperation between two partners. If you can’t dance well with a woman, it’s likely that she’ll find someone more compatible, and vice versa. For me, the real enjoyment of dancing is the game of seduction that takes place between the two participants; it is a highly evolved method of courtship that is enjoyable in and of itself, regardless of the ends previously mentioned. This is why in a salsa club, for example, you will find a constant trading of partners, and even committed couples who come to dance with others. They do this because they want to improve, and because they want to meet and feel a human connection that does not have to be consummated in sex.

Before I conclude, let me give you an interesting cultural comparison. In Brazil, it is not uncommon that during a night of dancing a women or man will kiss several different people, but go to bed with none. In the United States, it is not uncommon that two perfect strangers will hop in bed together with little or none of this preamble, and wake up without remembering each other’s names. This is because the United States is a results-oriented society, while other cultures are more concerned with process, i.e. enjoying the moment.

Some men are only concerned with sex. They go out, get drunk, stand around and wait for suitable prey (usually also drunk) and then try to convince them to come home and go to bed with them. They don’t want to dance; their “game” consists of whatever bullshit they can dream up that a woman may or may not want to hear. They could care less about who she is and what her opinions are. This is what we refer to as sex as sport, and the men and women that practice it ultimately lead lonely unfulfilling lives, or if they are unlucky, lives filled with the regret and resentment they have brought on themselves in a moment of indiscretion.

So my appeal to everyone is to dance for the sake of dancing. Hold another person close and feel the warmth of their skin and the beat of their heart. Appreciate the grace and sensuality of their movements as they match and challenge your own. Stare into their eyes and feel your self-identity replaced by universal love. Life is a dance, as the saying goes. While dancing one is completely in the moment and aware (in the full sense of awareness) of the sensory overload inside and surrounding us that is consciousness. Dancing deconstructs the mind/body duality and frees us from our past regrets, current anxieties and fears, and future plans, even if only for the duration of a song. According to the Zimbabwean proverb: if you can talk you can sing, if you can walk you can dance. So don’t be shy: get your ass on the dance floor, bust a move, and purge yourself of the stress and pressure of modern life. You’ll feel better for it.